Wednesday, January 14, 2009


To try and move on while all u want is to stay
To be silent when all u want is to say
To speak gibberish when u can't think of much
To stay stranded when u want a is a smack on the butt
To wet your eyes when u can't let the dryness of your mouth fade
To look directly into those eyes and never find a word to say.

To hold yourself when u wanted to be held
To hear, to speak and to listen and yet feel unfelt
To be wth your friends and
To be without them
To think of words that don't make sense

To be far off yet be there with them
To share a bond above all realms
To miss and to hate; all in the same breath
To utter niceties just so
To visualize a smile on the other face
To try and hold a conversation as if its one's last gasp of breath
To fight and to make up
And to smile.

Friday, January 2, 2009


A 2X2 screen. A screen that flashed life into me every time it lit up. A screen that had not been doing its part for the past 48 hours. The charger wasn't working. The USB cable didn't seem to be working either. Sitting in the car for an hour seemed like a stupid option, especially as it was to charge my cellphone. A day without a working cell seemed like a bearable option; at leat 6 months ago. But now, now I was addicted. Addicted to the music, to the 1 hour long calls and to the many unwanted and unheeded SMS.

I was missing Malvika. I couldn't call her up, for I didn't remember her number; never thought I'd need to. One dredged day without this device seemed to have taken its toll on me. I was thinking what what Wacko might be upto. I could't concentrate on my notes and I had a test to give tomorrow. This was getting out of hand. I was about to lose it. As a matter of fact I think I have lost it. I need to talk> why doesn't anyone call me? God. I need a break. I need to write down something. But isn't this getting compulsive? Am I going mad? I didn't need this, this "thing" 6 months ago. I was going on with my life without it. Why do I need it now? Wahats wrong? Is it me? Am I this boring or am I this bored? Whats the difference anyways? Am I putting too much thought into this? Maybe all I need is coffee. Then I'll get down to studying. But then I am one lazy bone. And I don't really wanna get out of my cozy bedcover; not at 1:30 in the night anyways. Just a break. The night sky seems inviting. But its cold. Either way I walked out, warmly clad. And now I stare into the sky, and I miss "Nothing Else Matters". I miss my music and thus once again I'm left thinking of my cell and of some other things. I stare into the sky with empty eyes and empty thoughts. And I satre at Orion. And then I wish I was high. Then I remember what I told Saransh, "getting high doesn't solve your problems." My own words; they sounded so hollow. But I believe them. I want to believe them. Yes, I believe them. I walk back through the door, think, get myself to make a cup of coffee, think, warm my cold hands by the steaming coffee and think. I climb bakc into my bed, stare at my book and think. I think of all the moments I wished I was in, I think of the sanity-less talks I wish I was having and I think of getting back to studying. I think. Instead I switch on my music system; lower down the volume so even I can barely hear it and sit. And think. I think of what I should be doing and what I am. I think of going and doing what I should be. I think and I wait.I wait for a call on the land-line and I wait for sleep to knock me warm into my bed.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

It leads me

A dream that was shattered
A phone call unanswered
And a message u say was not delivered
It leads me to believe
What I needn't
It leads me think
What I shouldn't
It leads me and it leads me wrong
If that's ok let me know
For it's hard to move all alone
Just to be what you want
That's not me
No, it's just not me

You need to believe
You need to trust
And I need to know everything is not a must
And all this
It leads me to believe
What I needn't
It leads me to think
What I shouldn't
It leads me and it leads me wrong.


I try to take my mind off of u
And I fail.
I try to think logically
And I fail.
I try and see me strong
And I fail.
I try to be someone else
And I fail.
I try to act
And I fail.
I try to try
And I fail.