Friday, January 2, 2009

Addiction?

A 2X2 screen. A screen that flashed life into me every time it lit up. A screen that had not been doing its part for the past 48 hours. The charger wasn't working. The USB cable didn't seem to be working either. Sitting in the car for an hour seemed like a stupid option, especially as it was to charge my cellphone. A day without a working cell seemed like a bearable option; at leat 6 months ago. But now, now I was addicted. Addicted to the music, to the 1 hour long calls and to the many unwanted and unheeded SMS.

I was missing Malvika. I couldn't call her up, for I didn't remember her number; never thought I'd need to. One dredged day without this device seemed to have taken its toll on me. I was thinking what what Wacko might be upto. I could't concentrate on my notes and I had a test to give tomorrow. This was getting out of hand. I was about to lose it. As a matter of fact I think I have lost it. I need to talk> why doesn't anyone call me? God. I need a break. I need to write down something. But isn't this getting compulsive? Am I going mad? I didn't need this, this "thing" 6 months ago. I was going on with my life without it. Why do I need it now? Wahats wrong? Is it me? Am I this boring or am I this bored? Whats the difference anyways? Am I putting too much thought into this? Maybe all I need is coffee. Then I'll get down to studying. But then I am one lazy bone. And I don't really wanna get out of my cozy bedcover; not at 1:30 in the night anyways. Just a break. The night sky seems inviting. But its cold. Either way I walked out, warmly clad. And now I stare into the sky, and I miss "Nothing Else Matters". I miss my music and thus once again I'm left thinking of my cell and of some other things. I stare into the sky with empty eyes and empty thoughts. And I satre at Orion. And then I wish I was high. Then I remember what I told Saransh, "getting high doesn't solve your problems." My own words; they sounded so hollow. But I believe them. I want to believe them. Yes, I believe them. I walk back through the door, think, get myself to make a cup of coffee, think, warm my cold hands by the steaming coffee and think. I climb bakc into my bed, stare at my book and think. I think of all the moments I wished I was in, I think of the sanity-less talks I wish I was having and I think of getting back to studying. I think. Instead I switch on my music system; lower down the volume so even I can barely hear it and sit. And think. I think of what I should be doing and what I am. I think of going and doing what I should be. I think and I wait.I wait for a call on the land-line and I wait for sleep to knock me warm into my bed.

5 comments:

Yags said...

I loved this one .

Forcefully put , And i need to hug you for this one >:D<

nirvana said...

Brilliant.
Period.

Prateek said...

No, you aren't boring.:P
But nicely written as always. :)

Radha said...

cool .. proud of you .. maybe we need to have a talk ;)

Dheer said...

well written..