The song, it killed her. Had she been in a state to talk, she would have. But the mind is a clever little thing. Or not so much. Not at the required time at least. She couldn’t reach a decision. No, not with Nothing Else Matters playing in the background. She took off her headphones, and looked up at the night sky. There it was. But where was he? What was he thinking?
“I need to be strong. Or so says everyone. But this isn’t me. I m not giving this any thought. But the decision was made. On my behalf.”
Her hands reached for her cup of strong coffee. She needed to think it over. But for what? There isn’t any point anyway. Drinking and slurping, she couldn’t help but turn the lights on. She moved. Only if that was a “she moved on”, how much more happiness that one word could have been. But well, it wasn’t.
“Okay. I smile. I laugh. Minni is apparently proud of me. My parents trust me. My friends think it hasn’t affected me. Well I don’t really show that it has. Has it, actually? I knew it wouldn’t last. But I wanted it to. Hell.”
She slurps. Laying her hands on her cell phone, she opened her contact list.
“Staring at the screen won’t help ma’am. Come on now.”
Finally deleting that one name, she decided to wade through memories. At slow pace. Chats. Talks. SMS. One by one, all of them were deleted. She doesn’t hear them. She tries to not read them. She stares, and hits the delete option every single time.
“It was all fake, wasn’t it? I was faking it. I hate myself. No, I hate him. No. I can’t.”
She sees the video. The credits. They were funny. She switches it off. That reminds her of that one piece he wrote on some webpage.
“I can’t delete that.”
She doesn’t. What bout the music list. She tries hearing some songs. Her list was topped by lips of an angel, learning to breathe, Romeo and Juliet, far away, cold,
“I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep. Locked inside of me so deep. I never really wanted you to go. So many things you should have known. ”
, please forgive me, runaway, it’s not over. The list wouldn’t end. But the tears never came.